Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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