I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
