I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
