Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
