i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
