I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
