We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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