on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
