Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
