Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
