Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize