She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
foreskin is a definite game changer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize