I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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