Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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