My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No subtext here. People are naked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
