he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize