I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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