Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
