I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
