He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's blow job season.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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