I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
