I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
