He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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