We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
