Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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