I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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