It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
