i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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