I am puke
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
