I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my liver is dry heaving
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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