Sry I called you an 8
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
