she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
