I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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