So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
