Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
