He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
