someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
