now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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