Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
