I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
