On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize