No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
