No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When are your genitals available?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
