They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
