i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
