You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
