REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
