omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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