I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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