clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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