You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize