So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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