Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Boobs are out for the taking
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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