And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
