I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize