Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
