why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
