It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
