Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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