Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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