OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
