so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
