I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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