i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
