I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
