Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
