Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
