this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
