STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
