There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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