HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
