He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
