Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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