I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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